My Big Fat Greek Sunday

On Sunday, we went to the Mid-Cities Greek Food Festival with my in-laws. I swear, if I could change my heritage, I might choose Greek. Those folks know how to have a good time, and I do love me some Greek food. But after the Greek festival, we swung by the grand opening of German Deli - and there was a band, and chocolate, and gummi bears and brats. Suddenly I remember being German is pretty awesome too.

But back to the Greek festival...

There were lots of kid's activities - crafts, bounce house, petting zoo and the dreaded face painting. Every time we see face painting, Preston BEGS me to get his done. And every time, I say no. It's just nasty once he eats something, or it starts to wear off. Gross. But I was feeling rather festive, and said "hey yeah - go for it!" He chose Frankenstein (kind of ironic since that's what we use to call him when he was little - long story).

From the moment it started to dry, he started crying and screaming - "it hurts! get it off! I'll give you your dollar back just get it off!!!" So we ran to the car and started wiping it off with baby wipes. I've never seen him so relieved. I think it was kind of like a face mask feeling - tight. Poor kid.


And now he'll never ask to have his face painted again. Yes - high five!

The Return of Johnny Bravo

I'm working from home today. And when I say working, I really mean chasing Bergen, doing laundry and glancing at the Blackberry occasionally. I thought I would give you a glimpse into Bergen's latest obsession. Santa's Rockin'. I'm sure you aren't a Wiggles fan, but you seriously have to see Barry Williams on this clip. Dude done lost his mind. Or he got paid really well. It's a toss up. We all know the Wiggles are laughing their way to the bank. Hey! Must be the mon-ay!

These are some seriously sweet moves straight from "We're gonna keep on, keep on, keep on, keep on dancin' all thru the night".

Enjoy! And know that Bergen is running around the house saying "Tanta Taus hohoho".

Fartknockers

I was going to keep this story under my hat, but since TV Joe has told just about everyone, I better document it, because it leads to much funnier things. Hang with me.

About a month ago, Preston and I were in the car going to get Bergen. We were still in the neighborhood when I hear him say "dammit". (notice how I take the less offensive spelling...he's still my baby) I slam on the brakes, swing around and say "hey, did you know that's a bad word?" His eyes got really big as he said "no"...so I say "ok well now you do. Don't say it again, ok? That's a cuss word and I'll have to wash your mouth out with soap if I hear it again." Part of me is alarmed. He's 7 years old and uttered his first curse. But I remember learning the "f word" in the 2nd grade, so I blow it off, hoping he's learned his lesson. Let me just add that he didn't hear it at home, okay?! I may not be a perfect parent, or a perfect person for that matter, and I'm not saying I've never used the bottom of the barrel vocabulary, but we do keep it clean around the kids. I can't say the same for prime time TV. Since he won't fess up to where he learned this word, I'm going to blame The Biggest Loser.

Flash forward 2 weeks. I go to get Preston at school, get him in the car to learn he got a red at school. Red = really bad day. I ask for his folder, proceed to look at the conduct sheet to see that my dear, sweet 7 year old boy uttered the same word at school. Oh. No. First month of school and we've been branded *that* family. Great. So I haul his little tail home, where I give him a spanking. I then drag him to the bathroom, where I washed his mouth out with soap. Yes, I know - how very "A Christmas Story" of me. I explained that I had to clean his mouth since it was dirty from using a dirty word. Don't worry I used pure and natural soap. So then I told him to get back in the car. I hauled him back to school. When we pulled up, he says "what are we doing?" and I said "you need to apologize to Mrs Schultz. But first, let's ask Jesus to forgive you - get on your knees and pray." At this point, I was about in tears because his little prayer was so sweet and sincere. "Dear Jesus, I'm so sorry for saying that word again. Please forgive me. I'm so so so so so so so so sorry!" He was crying, and I was proud. So we went to see the teacher, where he apologized, and I learned that Mrs. Schultz is full of grace and I can only assume a child of God based on her treatment and sweetness with Preston. Well that, and she has a cross hanging in her room. She told him she forgave him, but it wasn't okay that he said that word. He needs to learn self-control now that he knows a word that he shouldn't repeat. Clever lady. You know I had to add "you've never heard mommy or daddy say that word, have you" to which he thankfully said "no". Gotta show the teacher a call to CPS was not needed. I think he learned his lesson because he hasn't said it again. And he makes me change the channel when bad words are spoken (like the one he said, or stupid, idiot, etc...thankfully he has not learned the really bad ones yet.) So that means no more Gilmore Girls while Preston's around.

So fast forward to last night. We have the Verizon dude coming to install stuff today, so of course I had to clean the house like the Queen of England was going to show up. Preston was in the shower, and I was vacuuming while Bergen followed me, causing damage along the way as usual. He's in what I call "dump and run" phase where he dumps things out, then runs off. Preston's legos were on the table and while my back was turned, Bergen climbed up to grab and smash. I quickly go to pick them up because, well, they are small and annoying and can go down a toddler's windpipe in an instant. That, and Preston would FREAK OUT if he saw it. I'm so frustrated by legos. I swear, they are all over my house. As I'm picking them up, I feel one of those cuss words brewing in my mouth. Instead, I said "fartknockers". Yes that's right, I said fartknockers. Don't judge okay? It's all I could think of. The second it came out of my mouth, Bergen repeats "fartknockers fartknockers fartknockers." Not in regular Bergen voice, but in his hilarious Cookie Monster voice. Hilarious. Can't wait to hear from his daycare teacher.

Things the child raising books don't tell you

There are some things you just have to learn on your own.

Toddler + leftover spaghetti + candy corn + trampoline = barf-o-rama

Consider yourself warned...